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Selfie, eye contact, silly euphoria 

When the bus driver calls you "love" and not "mate" 🥰

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Voiced shitpost, minor horror (unknown entity) 

I've decided integrating my voice work into my comedy gold is the way forward in life

Thanks for your interest in our tours!

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Grief, bereavement, death, mentions of cancer and infertility 

My piece for the month is up

This time I'm looking at grief as a necessary part of my transition, and the narratives around grief that determine whether or not we are allowed to experience grief

writefreely.public.cat/hannah/

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My piece for the month is up
This time it's about about what non-binary even means to me, and my concerns about even picking it up as a label

It's a long one, so you'll have to give it some time

Also any feedback is super appreciated for this one. I'm interested in sharing this in more cis-heavy spaces to challenge the typical narratives, but I'm aware this one could be an odd one to stick up on facebook for my family to see or whatever. Any thoughts are super appreciated!

writefreely.public.cat/hannah/

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Selfie, eye contact 

On a scale of "not a lesbian" to "a lot of lesbian"...?

Hannah boosted

Job search 

Okay but my old university just put up an ad for an equalities job - of exactly the kind I have the right sort of experience for - just as I was looking for that EXACT kind of job

Could this have fallen any more perfectly?

Hannah boosted

anyway this was the topology meme that cursed me i have no fucking idea what this means

Job hunt-adjacent shitpost, institional transphobia mention 

You fight discriminatory policy, co-write one (1) review and sit one (1) impact screening and suddenly you get the urge to apply for jobs that you're woefully underqualified for

Anyway I have newfound empathy for Matt Hancock

Job application whining 

By far the worst thing about applying for jobs is writing the same information over and over again in slightly differently organised tables

Why not just let me write the personal statement(s) and accept a CV containing all my qualifications and work experience?

This duplication of effort is making it real fucking difficult to leave the awful job I'm stuck in when I've got no damn free time with which to duplicate effort like this

Hannah boosted

trans, UK, new GIC, Merseyside/Cheshire 

It's sounding a lot like TransPlus and Indigo, running as an initial two year project in this case.

Similar criteria: 17+, eligible for NHS treatment, registered with a GP in Cheshire or Merseyside, and waiting for your first GIC appointment.

merseycare.nhs.uk/our-services

Gender fuckery involving facial hair, dysphoria (-) 

Okay so I actually used my week off to try it and... wow that was horrific. I basically ruined my own week off work by forcefully inducing immense dysphoria in myself because I thought *other people* might think it looks cute.

Other people did not think it looked cute. In fact, the most I got was "You look really anxious."

So anyway I shaved it off and oh my god the relief is just something else. Being able to touch my chin without recoiling in horror is SO underrated.

But as relieved as I am, I find myself really frustrated. The more I try, the more I find that I can't express myself properly in the body. That the only things that allow me any kind of comfort are in a very binary presentation, from which I can't deviate.
And I know that had I any other body I'd want to blur things more. To have some aspect of being visibly between.

But I can't
Because this body demands that I overcompensate

And so I match forward to this cis passing ideal, as if it's ever what I truly wanted
Because it's all this brain and body will let me have

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Injury, implied gore, gender fuckery involving facial hair 

So I decided to treat myself to a new knife after having been stuck with a really crappy backup for half a year that was starting to get rust spots.

I forgot that having a decent knife now means that not only do I not HAVE to hack at onions like a caveman, but this is actually actively something I shouldn't do

And so led to my trip to A&E to get my finger glued back together

Anyway I was advised to keep it dry for a couple of days, so I decided I'm not going to shave for that time.
The problem is I hadn't shaved in quite a few days before.
And the texture on my face is sickening and dysphoria inducing but...
Having seen it in the mirror...
I wonder if a little fuzz might actually be kind of a cute look for me...?

Like, despite what it's doing to my mental health... I genuinely saw it and considered having facial hair for a moment

Now I couldn't handle that
And I still want this shit lasered off the minute Indigo actually gets in contact with me but...

I'm weirdly proud for having considered it
And strangely affirmed in the non-binary aspects of my identity

Like I genuinely think I might LIKE that look
Of course I wouldn't do it because the tactile horror far outweighs but...
How peculiar that I'd ever even consider it, considering my lifelong aversion

Hannah boosted

UK, trans, passports, - 

Here we go again! The UK gov't intends to out trans people applying for a new passport.

"In a response to an initiative to prevent registered sex offenders hiding their new identities, the Home Office stated '.. we intend to also amend our existing Home Office guidance so that only enrolled deed polls (through the Royal Courts of Justice) are accepted as a proof of name change.'"

"Enrolling a deed poll is an arcane process that results in the address, previous name and new name of the applicant being published in The Gazette (the official public record) This means that if a transgender person wishes to change their name on their passport or driving licence or other government issued documentation, they will need to put their gender status and address in the public record.

Transgender people will thus have a Hobson’s choice: they either keep their driving licence and passport in their old name and out themselves whenever they use it or they out themselves permanently."

"At the moment this shocking proposal is at an early stage and we have seen that if a sufficiently loud fuss is made the government will listen. Write to your MP! Write newspaper articles! Post about this on social media! Don’t let the government remove people’s rights by stealth."

rachbowyer.wordpress.com/2021/

Hannah boosted
Hannah boosted

Institutional transphobia (+) 

So that crap review of one particularly troublesome policy?
One of the company directors heard me out on it not doing enough, but then admitted they don't have the knowledge to make it any better - I was asked to make a proposal.

So I did.
Four major paragraphs on trans and non-binary inclusion for staff, a few tweaks and adjustments to the same end

Some controversial changes around student and resident care to make that trans, non-binary, and intersex inclusive and...

I got a response literally two hours after I submitted.
And it sounds like, subject to review from the equalities panel (which I'm on), they want to implement everything.

I genuinely can't believe I've managed this. From where I was when I started five months ago to this...? I could never have imagined. I never would have thought I would be given this level of input.

Hannah boosted

New Year, COVID, joblessness, transphobia, sensory fuckery, abuse, relationships, reflections (mostly +) 

Okay so as 2020 ends I want to say a big "Fuck you"

Being constantly paranoid I might accidentally kill someone, going months without income having to live with my parents, making grocery shopping MORE stressful, constant transphobia, sensory issues getting worse, good job gone shit... wtf?

But there's plenty of good, too, somehow:

I kicked my abuser out my life, got out of toxic friendships, finally live alone, learned new things about myself, still questioning others, applied for jobs above my station - even getting interviewed, fought institutional transphobia and won (at least partly, there's still some fight to go!)

And somehow the list keeps going:

I continued the healing from my abuse I started last December, I accepted more about it and am working on healing those parts too, I learned a lot about relationships during and after the best of my life so far -realising what I need and engaging more with polyamory despite my previous bad experiences
I even started navigating a QPP in these closing weeks - something I didn't ever really see myself doing

I've done a lot this year, even as it was meant to be the year nothing happens

I moved to Manchester but wasn't able to make local friends like I'd planned

But I laid the groundwork in working on myself

The loneliness isn’t consuming me like it used to

It's been a shit year but...
Somehow I made something of it

Hannah boosted

I think yesterday gave me a much better and clearer idea of what it means for me to be in a queerplatonic partnership with somebody and honestly?
It's just lovely

Hannah boosted
Hannah boosted

dentist: open up please

me: I still haven't come out to my dad, not because I'm afraid he won't accept me, but because I'm afraid of all intimacy with him

dentist: damn, you're valid for not wanting to talk to him, but thats really not what i meant,

Hannah boosted

Sensory fuckery question, looking for explanations or shared experiences (auditory) 

I should add this isn't a continuation of a sound; these are brief, discrete instances of a sound that has occurred recently

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