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Selfie, eye contact, silly euphoria 

When the bus driver calls you "love" and not "mate" 🥰

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Voiced shitpost, minor horror (unknown entity) 

I've decided integrating my voice work into my comedy gold is the way forward in life

Thanks for your interest in our tours!

Mobility aids question, personal addendum 

I say this, as if it's some new thing but actually people have been recommending I at least consider mobility aids for a little while

I think it's mainly just because, despite a huge chunk of my social circle making use of them for reasons other than the obvious mobility, it never really clicked with me that that's even an option
And this was of course when my mobility issues were a bit more manageable, so I just never thought about it until now

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Mobility aids question 

I've had people close to me recommend I consider a mobility aid for a non-mobility issues I have.
I can't justify the inconvenience of carrying one around for those issues alone, but might be able to if I'd get some other benefit.

The main thing I'm thinking about is whether they might help me with stairs (esp. going DOWN) when I'm having a bad joints and/or balance day?
Or is my current strategy of "Grab the rail for dear life when something feels wrong" just better?

In other news a friend's streams have got me inspired to try and learn to do arty things again having never really stuck to it or created anything even slightly worth looking at

So I made a baby and I like the baby

I can see more than a few errors now it's done, but I'm honestly pretty proud of it

Selfie, MH, COVID 

I've been trying to get out more, to meet people

I wanted to before the end of my most recent relationship, partly because of the strain it was putting on it, partly for my own loneliness

But it's terrifying, every time I got anywhere I'm on packed public transport, or somebody I saw reports a positive test afterwards

I'm honestly amazed I don't look as exhausted as I can feel - I'm still looking very good

So after getting my autism diagnosis I've finally, after a year of thinking I need them, given myself the permission to buy (read: massively overspend on) some noise cancelling headphones and...

Oh my god I haven't even taken them outside yet but even in my own flat this is life changing

The nightmare fluorescent light in my kitchen has been defeated!

I might actually be able to go into the city centre without freaking out for the first time in years - this technology is just amazing

"Does Hannah really love streaming, or does she just really love the running gag of using Sonic Adventure 2 lines in her Mario Oddysey stream titles that amuses literally nobody but herself?" is one of the greatest mysteries of our time

But starting up until 4am drawing up the complete set for the series may be a clue

Now officially autistic on paper 😎

Medical 

I finally had my genetics appointment last week and I've got mixed feeling on my provisional diagnosis (entirely depends on the result of an echocardiogram)

On one hand I'm relieved it's not Marfan syndrome - the idea that I've potentially been carrying significant cardiac issues and will do forever was a scary one

On the other hand "hypermobility spectrum disorder" sounds a bit "eh a bit bendy and freaky not otherwise specified idk syndrome"
It worries me that I may not be taken seriously trying to access support with a label seemingly so non-descript, you know?

I guess we'll see

I've taken to streaming recently, and it's honestly quite fin, even if I don't necessarily enjoy watching streams that much myself

But what I have learned is that people who can actually play video games whilst streaming are scary
I lose any and all coordination the minute the stream goes live 😅

Hannah boosted

ukpol, encryption, - 

"The UK government is set to launch a multi-pronged publicity attack on end-to-end encryption, Rolling Stone has learned. One key objective: mobilizing public opinion against Facebook’s decision to encrypt its Messenger app.

The Home Office has hired the M&C Saatchi advertising agency — a spin-off of Saatchi and Saatchi, which made the “Labour Isn’t Working” election posters, among the most famous in UK political history — to plan the campaign, using public funds.

According to documents reviewed by Rolling Stone, one the activities considered as part of the publicity offensive is a striking stunt — placing an adult and child (both actors) in a glass box, with the adult looking “knowingly” at the child as the glass fades to black. Multiple sources confirmed the campaign was due to start this month, with privacy groups already planning a counter-campaign."

So, how long until using encrypted messaging becomes effectively illegal in the UK, along with virtually any form of protest, or being a Traveller?

rollingstone.com/culture/cultu

The extremely obviously highly neurotypical (actually probably not at all neurotypical) urge to sleep with a cushion carefully balanced on my head

Hannah boosted

jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans))))

jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans ( jean jeans)))))

jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans))))))

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New year's resolution, anxiety 

I'm not normally one to bother with the whole "new year's resolution" stuff, but I had a revelation recently that this year has really revealed a massive issue

My life is entirely run by my anxiety
I haven't made any real choices in a very long time

Sure, some of the things that I've chosen not to do have been unambiguously good but...
I'm frustrated beyond belief that I made those choices not because those were my genuine desires, but because the other options were just to scary

I hate the way that my anxiety has significantly encroached on my personal relationships, especially that with my partner - I back away from things that matter, or work myself up to a point that my boundaries break down

So my soft resolution is simply this: make decisions deliberately

Think about what I want from my life, beyond "AVOID SCARY"
I can't keep living like this, I'll simply never do anything nor have anything to offer if I just keep letting this same lifelong pattern play out

Hannah boosted

survey open re disablity in the UK, UN report 

The UN's Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (UNCRPD) is in the process of compiling its latest report on the state of the UK's compliance with the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (CRPD).

One of the organisations working with them on this, Inclusion London, has prepared a survey for chronically ill, deaf and disabled people to provide their perspectives on life in the UK:

surveymonkey.co.uk/r/YGRH953

The survey's open until 5pm next Thursday, Dec 23.

Background:

thecanary.co/uk/analysis/2021/

Hannah boosted

UK, NICE, chronic pain management, - 

NICE has removed "opioids, paracetamol and non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs" from its guidance options for chronic pain management, leaving affected people with options amounting to "anti-depressants, exercise, acupuncture and therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)".

thecanary.co/uk/analysis/2021/

There's a parliamentary petition over the new guidance:

petition.parliament.uk/petitio

Government nonsense, transphobia implied 

Not sure why I'm so anxious about this meeting with ministers tonight when realistically it's going to be "Look! We spoke to representatives! That means we're doing something!"

And like, I know that Lord Herbert, who seems to be largely responsible for this particular GEO thing, does have a track record on LGBT rights stuff but just... eh

I've got no faith in government to be anything other than actively hostile

Even if these people are listening, the government itself is just going to wipe its arse with the notes

Just kind of have to pray they keep the information around until a less horrifically hostile government takes over

Autism diagnosis (mostly +) 

At long last, after six months of faffing about and being REPEATEDLY referred to the wrong place because my GP never actually ever gave me that information... I finally have a letter about being on the waiting list for autism assessment
It is such a relief to know that everything is in place at long last

On the other hand... they've given me a form to fill out that offer a very confusing set of "Yes/No" questions, that only allows me to expand if the answer is "Yes"... with no option to declare that I'm unsure

And now I have to try and figure out whether certain issues that I have - for which I've never received any sort of support or referral and am only just beginning to seek that out now - fall under "physical disabilities" or "other physical health conditions"

The two things I've had names attached to aren't exactly clear cut (especially as neither is an actual diagnosis) and everything else they're just going to get a disjointed list of symptoms because honestly I don't even know where to begin with a lot of this and it takes forever to arrange all the appointments to get this stuff looked at

Hannah boosted

trans, UK gov, GRC, GEO survey 

From a TransActual mailing:

===

A team from the Government Equalities Office are exploring how they might make the GOV.UK Gender Recognition Certificate guidance and application process "more straightforward and user-friendly". They'd like to talk to:

* people who have not started the process of applying, but may wish to apply in the future

* people who have started, but been unable to complete the application process

* people who have applied for a GRC in the past (regardless of the application status or outcome)

All of the research is anonymous and only the researcher will have access to your personal data.If you would like to take part, please complete their Google Form:

docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAI

or e-mail Laura at:

laura.avram@cabinetoffice.gov.uk

with the subject "GRC volunteer".

Pattern of loneliness (-) 

My partner is going away from the weekend, and it's made me realise something:

Since the people I was looking for a place with had to go their separate ways I've not really had any contact with them in the aftermath in any meaningful way. Everything's been minimal.

I've realised that, yet again, my entire in-person friend circle is one other person... that one person being my partner. I'm in this horrendously unhealthy position YET AGAIN

It's not like I don't have people I'm friendly with but... it's just kind of that. Friendly. But not friends. I don't have people that I can make plans with, or lean on, or anything that isn't just passive positive interaction.

And I'm just really tired of it. Time and time again I find myself in the same position. People get on with me. People find me likeable (or so I'm told, not that I believe it most of the time).

But despite being pretty universally liked, I'm also universally held at a distance. And I don't understand it at all. Am I intimidating? Cold? Distant? What's wrong with me that people like me but don't want to know me?

I'm tired of "Oh yeah to make friends just join social groups, do activities, go to the same places..."
I do. I'm well-known in my communities. I go to groups. I help runs groups. I volunteer. I do everything that supposedly works.

But no matter what I do or where I go or what I do with my life... I just end up lonely again

I wish I knew what I'm doing wrong
I just want friends

Doctor Who 

And as much as I absolutely hated the Timeless Child, I really loved the mystery set up with The Division, and how Chibnall has (so far) effectively divorced the two from each other except for having given The Doctor a reason to hunt them down

It's genuinely good stuff

Still nowhere close to the quality that I know Chibnall is capable of but... man, this is some serious redemption before his departure

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