Pinned toot

Selfie, eye contact, silly euphoria 

When the bus driver calls you "love" and not "mate" 🥰

Pinned toot

Voiced shitpost, minor horror (unknown entity) 

I've decided integrating my voice work into my comedy gold is the way forward in life

Thanks for your interest in our tours!

Hannah boosted

ukpol, encryption, - 

"The UK government is set to launch a multi-pronged publicity attack on end-to-end encryption, Rolling Stone has learned. One key objective: mobilizing public opinion against Facebook’s decision to encrypt its Messenger app.

The Home Office has hired the M&C Saatchi advertising agency — a spin-off of Saatchi and Saatchi, which made the “Labour Isn’t Working” election posters, among the most famous in UK political history — to plan the campaign, using public funds.

According to documents reviewed by Rolling Stone, one the activities considered as part of the publicity offensive is a striking stunt — placing an adult and child (both actors) in a glass box, with the adult looking “knowingly” at the child as the glass fades to black. Multiple sources confirmed the campaign was due to start this month, with privacy groups already planning a counter-campaign."

So, how long until using encrypted messaging becomes effectively illegal in the UK, along with virtually any form of protest, or being a Traveller?

rollingstone.com/culture/cultu

The extremely obviously highly neurotypical (actually probably not at all neurotypical) urge to sleep with a cushion carefully balanced on my head

Hannah boosted

jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans))))

jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans ( jean jeans)))))

jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans (jean jeans))))))

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New year's resolution, anxiety 

I'm not normally one to bother with the whole "new year's resolution" stuff, but I had a revelation recently that this year has really revealed a massive issue

My life is entirely run by my anxiety
I haven't made any real choices in a very long time

Sure, some of the things that I've chosen not to do have been unambiguously good but...
I'm frustrated beyond belief that I made those choices not because those were my genuine desires, but because the other options were just to scary

I hate the way that my anxiety has significantly encroached on my personal relationships, especially that with my partner - I back away from things that matter, or work myself up to a point that my boundaries break down

So my soft resolution is simply this: make decisions deliberately

Think about what I want from my life, beyond "AVOID SCARY"
I can't keep living like this, I'll simply never do anything nor have anything to offer if I just keep letting this same lifelong pattern play out

Hannah boosted

survey open re disablity in the UK, UN report 

The UN's Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (UNCRPD) is in the process of compiling its latest report on the state of the UK's compliance with the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (CRPD).

One of the organisations working with them on this, Inclusion London, has prepared a survey for chronically ill, deaf and disabled people to provide their perspectives on life in the UK:

surveymonkey.co.uk/r/YGRH953

The survey's open until 5pm next Thursday, Dec 23.

Background:

thecanary.co/uk/analysis/2021/

Hannah boosted

UK, NICE, chronic pain management, - 

NICE has removed "opioids, paracetamol and non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs" from its guidance options for chronic pain management, leaving affected people with options amounting to "anti-depressants, exercise, acupuncture and therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)".

thecanary.co/uk/analysis/2021/

There's a parliamentary petition over the new guidance:

petition.parliament.uk/petitio

Government nonsense, transphobia implied 

Not sure why I'm so anxious about this meeting with ministers tonight when realistically it's going to be "Look! We spoke to representatives! That means we're doing something!"

And like, I know that Lord Herbert, who seems to be largely responsible for this particular GEO thing, does have a track record on LGBT rights stuff but just... eh

I've got no faith in government to be anything other than actively hostile

Even if these people are listening, the government itself is just going to wipe its arse with the notes

Just kind of have to pray they keep the information around until a less horrifically hostile government takes over

Autism diagnosis (mostly +) 

At long last, after six months of faffing about and being REPEATEDLY referred to the wrong place because my GP never actually ever gave me that information... I finally have a letter about being on the waiting list for autism assessment
It is such a relief to know that everything is in place at long last

On the other hand... they've given me a form to fill out that offer a very confusing set of "Yes/No" questions, that only allows me to expand if the answer is "Yes"... with no option to declare that I'm unsure

And now I have to try and figure out whether certain issues that I have - for which I've never received any sort of support or referral and am only just beginning to seek that out now - fall under "physical disabilities" or "other physical health conditions"

The two things I've had names attached to aren't exactly clear cut (especially as neither is an actual diagnosis) and everything else they're just going to get a disjointed list of symptoms because honestly I don't even know where to begin with a lot of this and it takes forever to arrange all the appointments to get this stuff looked at

Hannah boosted

trans, UK gov, GRC, GEO survey 

From a TransActual mailing:

===

A team from the Government Equalities Office are exploring how they might make the GOV.UK Gender Recognition Certificate guidance and application process "more straightforward and user-friendly". They'd like to talk to:

* people who have not started the process of applying, but may wish to apply in the future

* people who have started, but been unable to complete the application process

* people who have applied for a GRC in the past (regardless of the application status or outcome)

All of the research is anonymous and only the researcher will have access to your personal data.If you would like to take part, please complete their Google Form:

docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAI

or e-mail Laura at:

laura.avram@cabinetoffice.gov.uk

with the subject "GRC volunteer".

Pattern of loneliness (-) 

My partner is going away from the weekend, and it's made me realise something:

Since the people I was looking for a place with had to go their separate ways I've not really had any contact with them in the aftermath in any meaningful way. Everything's been minimal.

I've realised that, yet again, my entire in-person friend circle is one other person... that one person being my partner. I'm in this horrendously unhealthy position YET AGAIN

It's not like I don't have people I'm friendly with but... it's just kind of that. Friendly. But not friends. I don't have people that I can make plans with, or lean on, or anything that isn't just passive positive interaction.

And I'm just really tired of it. Time and time again I find myself in the same position. People get on with me. People find me likeable (or so I'm told, not that I believe it most of the time).

But despite being pretty universally liked, I'm also universally held at a distance. And I don't understand it at all. Am I intimidating? Cold? Distant? What's wrong with me that people like me but don't want to know me?

I'm tired of "Oh yeah to make friends just join social groups, do activities, go to the same places..."
I do. I'm well-known in my communities. I go to groups. I help runs groups. I volunteer. I do everything that supposedly works.

But no matter what I do or where I go or what I do with my life... I just end up lonely again

I wish I knew what I'm doing wrong
I just want friends

Doctor Who 

And as much as I absolutely hated the Timeless Child, I really loved the mystery set up with The Division, and how Chibnall has (so far) effectively divorced the two from each other except for having given The Doctor a reason to hunt them down

It's genuinely good stuff

Still nowhere close to the quality that I know Chibnall is capable of but... man, this is some serious redemption before his departure

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Doctor Who 

Honestly I'd really fallen out of love this this show for a while; it got a brief redemption in Capaldi's least season, before crashing way back down to new lows

But honestly? Flux is really reinvigorating my excitement for the show - I'm genuinely looking forward to watching, rather than having it feel like it's just an obligation

It's far from perfect, but the story has the right hooks and - with the exception of some weird moments - the characters actually feel human again

After the first trailer we got where Jodie was basically looking at the camera and namedropping returning monsters with some very CBBC acting I thought this was going to be more of the same rubbish

But nah, I've actually been really enjoying it and I'm genuinely feeling impatient for the next episode

Autism, imposter syndrome (amusing) 

I find it absolutely hilarious that I could ever have convinced myself that I was neurotypical - or that I regularly struggle with thinking that I'm "faking it"

I mean these past few days I have been the absolute pinnacle of clinical stereotyping
Currently fixating on Sonic Adventure 2 and trying to resist the urge to write about three different essays on the damn thing, including a whole extra one on how the character of Shadow and his character arc relates to me and has mirrored my own personal life story and development in really significant ways...

This being about my 100th obsessive phase with this game, being an obsession that's almost 20 years old at this point 😅

"I don't really have any special interests"
Okay, Hannah. Whatever you say, hon

Chronic pain (?), attitudes to receiving support (+ish) 

I had a really bad pain night the other day - honestly the worst since my age was in single digits (that I can remember at least).

Fortunately I was with my partner at the time. I, obviously, stubbornly continued to do stuff despite clearly being too much for me at the time - no matter how much they offered to help or take small things off me. But that much I expect of myself.

But what shocked me more was that they (gently and sensitively, of course) challenged me on my refusal of the offer of something as snark as over-the-counter painkillers - and particularly the fact that I highlighted this as a pattern that's stood for really as long as I can remember.

And it got me thinking a lot about why that is and I think the realisation hit me. I've been so pushed into models of independence that I even refuse self-administered help. I have to stand entirely without support to be successful - and any support or assistance is a threat to whatever that bizarre "success" is

But despite how deeply ingrained this is I don't really understand where it's come from. It runs so contrary to my personal philosophies that I can't undedstand how it's so stubborn. Is it cultural osmosis? Something my parents did? School? Academia as a whole?

Regardless of that I at least know that it's something to be working on, and that definitely has value

3D Rendering, musings on art (+) 

You know... aside from fulfilling the wishes of 10 year-old me... I think there's a big thing for current me in all this 3D stuff...

I've been wanting to find a visual artform that works for me for a long time

I used to really love photography, although my style was very spontaneous and didn't require a whole lot of setup - only the editing felt like a "process". Shooting just felt like second nature - I knew my way round the technicals and that was enough for me
But then I tried to take a (dreadfully poor quality) qualification in college and... the excessive academic analysis, the constant being forced into styles and forms that didn't speak to me, and the frustration that came with all the deadlines just... completely sucked the joy out of it for me. I haven't been able to really pick up a camera in about 7 years, no matter how much I tried

But I've tried my hand at a lot of different visual forms since, to try and fill that void but... I never really found much joy in the process and the learning

Yet I come round to this and... I enjoy screwing up. I enjoy the little triumphs. I enjoy being in those "in-between" stages where nothing has any real form. I love starting from those little blank canvas primatives and just pulling them about and extruding them in all sorts of wonderful ways as I see things take shape

I've finally found something where the journey is even more enjoyable than the destination - at long last

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Hannah boosted

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as #Facebook, is in fact, Meta/Facebook, or as I've recently taken to calling it, #Meta plus Facebook. Facebook is not a platform unto itself, but rather another horrible component of a fully functioning #Metaverse made useful by massive data collection, mental health destruction and vital shameless lies comprising a full alternative reality as defined by the billionaires who destroy the real world.

Medical, anxiety (-) 

And right when I'm constantly in a tizz about my health, I get a phone call from my GP's receptionist saying that he wants to arrange for an appointment to talk about my blood tests and talk to me about an unnamed referral that he wants to make

I have no further context, but it seems to have been arranged with some urgency since I'm being called Monday morning

Nobody ever works that quickly on anything

Even if it's literally nothing, a lot has been done to make me anxious - including my GIC ALSO arranging a short-notice appointment about the same bloods 😬

Disability?, relationships, internalised ableism (-) 

A lot of people in my life lately have been noticeably using the language of disability to refer to me; sometimes it's about "spoons", sometimes it's about accommodations, sometimes it's even outright offhandedly referring to me as disabled, sometimes it's using words like "chronic" in reference to some symptoms that I talk about and...

If I'm perfectly honest... it freaks me out. Not because of my usual "I shouldn't be taking up space" nonsense, but because I know they're probably right - especially with all the health scares and changes I've had over this year.

I've got issues that, were they experienced by anyone else I'd undoubtedly call it "chronic pain", I've had lifelong issues that I'd be pressuring anyone else to go to a GP for, I've got all sorts of funky things going on with my body that I didn't realise weren't normal and might be things to be concerned about...

I'm freaked out about this use of language because I'm scared
I'm not 100% sure what's wrong with me, and I have no idea how long my referrals will take; and everything that I'm experiencing right now runs counter to every narrative I received growing up about how I'm oh-so-healthy, and how I can do anything (hilarious considering I'll probably never be able to work full time again), and all manner of other messages

And it worries me because this stuff? This happens to other people
But when it's me? I'm just being dramatic

Childhood wish fulfilment, 3D rendering 

I've wanted to learn to work with 3D models since I was about 10

14 years later I'm finally learning and my inner child couldn't be happier with the fact that, not only am I learning, but I also actually FINISHED A THING

Is it good? Not really
Is the lighting and composition right? Absolutely not
Is it even my best attempt so far? Not even close
But am I proud for having finished it? Absolutely

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