request for book recs, boosts welcome 

Hi all!

One of my dear friends has a child who is beginning to question their gender identity (specifically, they have questions about what it means to be nonbinary, as they believe that they may be!).

Her kiddo is eleven and is looking for books about coming out as nonbinary and support/affirmation for those that are.

Book recs for mom and kid would be greatly appreciated. ty!

@madewokherd You're right, and also because it means something different to the participant I want to record it the way they would want it to be recorded, especially if they felt strongly enough about it that they typed it in even though an identical set was already available as a checkbox.

@madewokherd @Satsuma That makes sense, but the purpose of the word being included doesn't prevent you from being able to check the box, and it also future-proofs a little bit for in case people start wanting to specify that their pronouns are some other type of "they". Considering people enter identity words and pronouns with asterisks and numbers in, I would be 0% surprised if people started specifying indefinite they as their pronouns in the textboxes... :D

@madewokherd The ways of using "they" basically boil down to the intent/meaning of the word, and words are created to convey meaning, so I would probably argue that they are the *point* of the words and the most important part! Like, in French the word for avocado and the word for lawyer are the same spelling, but they are definitely different words. :D

@madewokherd All the other sets have something in the "name" position, even if it's just "he" or whatever, and some sets do have names that aren't the pronouns, like Spivak and Elverson, so I'd like to keep it there! It's not like it adds confusion. :D

@madewokherd There are three theys:

Singular they - referring to one person, any reflexive but usually "themself", e.g. "they are a writer"

Plural they - referring to two or more people, reflexive "themselves", e.g. "they are writers"

Indefinite they - referring to an indistinct other of unknown number, any reflexive probably, e.g. "they say it's good to write what you know..."

@madewokherd There are three theys:

Singular they - referring to one person, any reflexive but usually "themself", e.g. "they are a writer"

Plural they - referring to two or more people, reflexive "themselves", e.g. "they are writers"

Indefinite they - referring to an indistinct other of unknown number, any reflexive probably, e.g. "they say it's good to write what you know..."

@madewokherd The first one is the 2021 survey version and the second one is what I'm proposing to replace it with. I guess I was unclear again, the arrow emoji was my attempt to show "replace this with that" but it doesn't seem to have worked! :D

Anyway, thanks for listening to this late-night ramble. I really enjoy the way this research and participants' feedback challenges me and forces me to reconsider concepts and shift my understanding of language, gender, and other related and unrelated ideas.

Show thread

If plural they is typed into textboxes by over 1% of participants that's a whole other situation, and it would be automatically reconsidered.

If a checkbox term or pronoun isn't accurate for you, don't choose it! Type something in a textbox instead, so I can know it's popular.

Show thread

Having said that, I am so far undecided, but leaning towards *not* including plural they. The "comparison" words that are on the list despite being chosen by under 1% of participants (binary, cisgender, etc) are gender-related words. Plural they is unrelated to gender.

Show thread

I am considering adding plural they to the checkbox list, NOT as a way to include plural people (because arbitrary inclusion isn't a reason for adding any term that is written into textboxes by under 1% of people), but because it might be useful to compare with singular they.

Show thread

I'm not going to combine two pronoun sets into one in the annual survey, because they are two pronoun sets that have different meanings and use cases, and (usually) different spellings.

Show thread

This all started because I've been asked by a few people to combine singular and plural they in the annual survey, and just call it "they" instead of "singular they", so that plural people can choose it.

Show thread

I'm thinking maybe something like:

Singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself (plural verbs, i.e. "they are a writer")

⬇️

They - they/them/their/theirs/themself (for referring to an individual, i.e. "they are a writer")

Show thread

If calling the set "singular they" on the annual survey doesn't add clarity and help people find their pronoun set, I will stop using that name, and switch to providing the meaning instead.

Show thread

It's a sign of progress, since singular they for nonbinary people is so much more commonly accepted that every nonbinary person *doesn't* need to know the name "singular they" and what exactly the name means and how it is used differently from third-person regular/plural they.

Show thread

It's a useful name, to refer to a pronoun set with a slightly different use case and, usually, spelling to match. And for some reason I thought that my experience from a decade ago, where understanding of this name was universal, would obviously still be relevant. (It is not.)

Show thread

Hand on heart, it honestly did not occur to me that a significant number of people might not know that's what "singular they" means. "Singular they" is the name that lexicographers and other people who study language collectively call "they/them when referring to one person."

Show thread
Show more
LGBT.io

We are a Mastodon instance for LGBT+ and allies!