Have you ever had your life completely shattered by the death of your lover? Her curls and sparkling eyes to never be seen aga? Her soul out of reach and voice only kept in videos and voicemails? I'd your heart completely broken beyond repair? Would you do anything to bring her back? I would have done anything for her. My lover is precious to me. I need her. I can't believe she's gone forever. I lover her.

I've been feeling immensely sad the past couple of days. It might have been my recent trip up north that started it. The cold, cloudy, dark weather turned made me turn blue. I find myself on the verge of crying, but being unable to cry. There is no release. The pain just builds and I wonder how much longer I can take this. If only it would go away like a whisper in the wind, buy it doesn't. It is building on itself like a wall. Higher and higher it becomes until, eventually, hopefully, it will crash in on itself. And then there will be no wall and only freedom. Or, at least I hope so. I just want the fall to begin because this building is tiring me out.

So, we opened our relationship. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love her. This will make her happy. I'm not sure how it makes me feel, honestly. I don't feel jealous or anything I thought could be a problem. We talk a lot about making sure I feel comfortable. I don't want to do anything with anyone else but I know it's been making her feel better. She has a higher sex drive than I do, so it's a good thing overall, I think. I just find it strange that I feel so okay and even happy (?) about it. She says we can close it whenever I feel uncomfortable or anything and that makes me feel good. I love her and I want to see her happy all the time. It makes me happy. I love her more than anything I've ever come in contact with and will do whatever it takes to make her smile. I think everything is going well. I am happy.

I love her more than anything in my life but I'm scared that I am not good for her. I don't even know how to be good for her. I just wish I was perfect so she could always be happy. I hate having feelings sometimes because when I am disappointed or sad, it makes me feel like I'm not appreciating her enough. I feel like I should always feel positive for her but it's difficult. I love her with all my heart. I'm scared of losing her but I wonder if she would be happier and better off without me. Should I leave her for her own sake even if it would kill me on the inside?

I've reached a point in my life where I feel incredibly numb to pain. I used to cry for hours, feeling the extreme depths of human anxiety and depression. But now? I feel a numbness associated with it. It's almost as if my humaness is fleeting. Although I don't feel the tug on my chest and the tears don't fall from my eyes anymore, I wish for it back sometimes. I wish I could feel like I used to, instead I'm just an empty she'll when it comes to negative feelings now. Have I cried my last year? Is this growing up or is it that I've felt too much pain in my life? Who knows?

My parents never discussed my family history with me as a child. I began prying for information to find out that I'm not only white. I found out that I am much more Native American than I had ever imagined (around 50%) but I was never told this. Considering that I'm white-passing, I just always assumed I was white. I feel happy but also confused about my new knowledge. I don't know how to even learn more about my family since my parents had basically cut off the majority of our relatives. What do I even do with new information like this?

I feel especially tired today. I just got to keep pushing.

Why are things taboo? Do they protect us?

Do they harm us?

I'm having a difficult time adjusting to seeing my girlfriend only a few hours before we go to sleep on the weekdays. I don't know how anyone can go by only seeing their partners/spouses a few hours a day. I just miss her so much.

Is all the adult world about is working? Why live if all you do is work? There's nothing worth this amount of work. How does one find the will to keep going on when our reality is so bleak?

The Steven Universe Movie met all my expectations and more. I'm so happy to have more content and the music still gives me chills after listening to it on repeat on Spotify. I'm so glad to have been born at just the perfect time to enjoy the show in my young adulthood. I feel like it has taught me many lessons that are priceless and I really couldn't do without. It has changed my life for the better, which is something that I can't say much media has for me. It's also something that brought me and my girlfriend closer together over the duration of our relationship and I am so thankful for that. Overall, I am just so happy to have experienced this movie today and I can't wait to talk about it more with my friends.

I feel like a long weekend is just what my girlfriend and I needed. We’re both so busy during the week that this time is perfect for us to spend together and reconnect.

It’s so wonderful being able to spend time with my girlfriend after being apart for most of the week. It’s been hard since she is working two jobs, but hopefully soon it will only be down to one. Just have to wait for her replacement to be fully trained. Until then, we just need to make the best of the little time we do have together.

Still dreading the all-female remake of Lord of the Flies, since the entire point of the book is that British boys are raised to be power hungry assholes

So, I finally have my account ready to go (I think). I'd love to get to meet everyone! So, please feel free to chit chat with me. I'll start writing on here more. I'd love to know what kinds of things to expect on this website and how everything really works. Thanks for having me again! Hope to meet many of you soon! :_gaysparkle:

Hi everyone! I'm new here on Mastodon and I am getting my profile set up. In the mean time, I would love to chat with anyone. As my name would suggest, I'm a lesbian and would love to chat with anyone else in the LGBTQ+ community. Anyway, thanks for having me!


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