Charles ☭ H @celesteh@lgbt.io

I learned today that the curses in Harry Potter are based on Hebrew.

Shanua tova 🎉

I would simply choose not to treat my every action as a referendum on my value as a person.

The advice: You should judge others with the same leniency with which you judge yourself and your own actions.

Me: Wait, I thought the idea here was to become **more** accepting of others?

Once upon a time, I was talking to my neighbours about how I was in a production where one of the pieces instructed the performer (not me) to give a blow job to a microphone. And SM57s are pretty common, but they're not disposable -I really didn't want it to get covered in spit. But it seems like non-lubricated condoms are simply unavailable in this country! I have a stash of expired ones, but will they protect the mic from ick?

My neighbours had all fallen silent and were looking at me intently.

Ugh, I know, I said. It's a new score, but honestly, this has been done to death in the 60s.

Well, said one of the neighbours, *I've* certainly never heard of anything like this before.

Uhh I said

Green Money Pig Investment Hypno Trainer Fund

Green Porn Mutual Fund - invest in online porn distribution that uses renewables to power their data centres. The workers are unionised and actors get residuals.

I would rather invest in pornography than privatised rental housing stock and I think its very telling which of these two things shows up in "ethical" funds in Britain.

I read a review once of a new model of Tesla that had a bug that caused it to slam on the brakes at unpredictable intervals. The reviewer said it was unsafe and undriveable.

And then, according to their metrics, gave it high marks for being comfortable and stylish and having trunk space and affordability and the stereo system. It scored a 7 overall.

Maybe if it exploded into a fireball, it would decline to a 6.5.

Metrics are meant to increase "transparency" and fairness, but they fail spectacularly at both. Ethical investment indexes become a way to hide worker injuries and wage theft. Or carbon that's consumed in unexpected ways, like driving truck around in circles because it's cheaper than warehouse space.

Every metric we have is an abstracted lie. And meta analysis only makes it more lying. And these are the metrics we're trying to use to make the world better and to cut carbon.

Capitalism cannot fix itself.

Anyway, amazon cut it's carbon and so now rates very highly on "ethical" indexes.

The only ethical thing to do is give away your savings and stock up on hot water bottles for when you're old and can't afford to heat your home because austerity and profiteering.

If only ethical investment could save us!

Middle class people, told they must manage their own retirements, search desperately for non-evil places to put their money and find financial advisors who promise only low carbon firms that threat their employers well and thus end up owning large tracts of formerly public housing.

Or, if you want to self-manage, there's a fund that *only* invests in social housing PPIs, making the world a better place through Blarite privatisation. Old people get supported housing and *you* reap the profits!

DuckDuckGo - Ethical investment UK

EthiFund Cigitas Alpha - this fund does not invest in alcohol, tobacco, weapons, pornography, gambling or oil. It holds high cap companies that score 95% of higher on the FroomFram Ethical Companies Index.

Major holdings: Amazon, Privatised Council Flats LTD.

My spouse: This is very farty!

Me: It's a contrabass sax!

Spouse: Farty.

Me: Skronky!

Why is animal rights so often fashy?

(Via text)

Me: Hi

Spouse, seated across the room: Hi

Spouse: What do you want?

Spouse: Dinner is ready.