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i feel like waaaaay more stealth trans people exist than most people realize, and also that the main reason it seems like older trans people don't exist sometimes is that most of us went deep stealth. it's so easy to just stop interacting with the trans community entirely when you've done that. this is the only place i post trans stuff at all these days, and even that's only because this is where i came out in the first place.

it's not a new observation that the iceberg of LGBT culture is so much larger than the bit society lets poke above the surface, but it's so especially glaring with trans stuff and can give a poor impression to younger trans people. ("Why are none of you older than 25, is that the age something terrible happens to us, or something??")

point is, always remember when you're lgbt/specifically trans, there's hecktons more allies around you than you think, living happy lives and thriving.

transphobia, sui, 

it's also unfortunately one reason it's so easy for TERFs and transphobes to run around saying "x% of trans people kill themselves because they're evil!" - in their day to day lives, they'll only see like one trans person older than 25, and they'll assume that this anecdotal evidence backs up their hate, because all the rest of us killed ourselves and the only reason that one person didn't is that they're "too oblivious to feel self-loathing when they're embarrassing!!" or some shit.
In actuality, we all went stealth because people like you exist, transphobe, and it's not fucking safe to be openly trans. And the one person you think is "oblivious" is just *really fucking strong* and manages to carry on in a world with sickos like you in it without hiding. Or has no choice.
We do all of this to *avoid* being part of the fucking High Score you're trying to grow, you fucking murderers.

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@V There's a lot of nonbinary people who never come out due to lack of dysphoria or lack of desire to transition. There's lots of married bisexual people who just don't talk about their identity because they feel it's no longer relevant. There's a lot of men who identify as straight but have sex with men. I think LGBTQIA+ people are way under-counted due to repression.

@rosmarinus @V This 👆 I’ve had three people in my friend group - all in their fifties - come out as nonbinary or agender in the last couple of years, once they understood it was an option.

@ghost_bird That's great news! It's always good when nonbinary people can find themselves & each other. My friend group definitely helps me! I'm not out to my parents or anything

@ghost_bird @rosmarinus @V and then there's the difficulty of distinguishing

- being cis

- "cis" meaning someone who has no dysphoria and is basically content with, or more or less willing to to tolerate because making a fuss out of it is too much trouble, the incomprehensible arbitrary conventions of this "gender" thing that's been imposed on them for as long as they can remember

@V it's also just so damn hard to engage in folks early in transition. Their struggles and joys seems more abstract with the distance. I'm 6 years away from when I transitioned and it's very, very strange.

@V I think the age cutoff's quite a bit higher (a lot of us in the 25-40 range are just as 'extremely online' or just plain unapologetic especially in tech crowds), but you do have a point.

Past that though there is a very real problem. HIV killed off most of our elders. Not all, but most. So they are out there, but not in the numbers I'd like.

@V at the grocery store, nobody knows you're a dog

@V Yeah. On one hand, it's really understandable. Even as someone only a couple years into transition, I can find some early-transition folks really difficult in their insecurities and particularly normative ideas around gender.

On the other hand, that society is this way is really frustrating, it's no wonder it took me so long (age 40) to understand I was trans, I didn't have the right kind of representation in the world around me.

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