Ah well; it was fun trying. And a good grounding exercise for me, as I feel myself sizzle slightly with the hypomanic heat of May

Have a good morning, folks

And *that's* what I mean when I say 'expanded cognitive space in which I experience my self'. That's how a deep reconnection with ongoing reality *feels*. That's *why* all that matters, in the end, is love

And once again, I've tried to explain it and failed 😂

And what I've got, from the psychedelics, from buddhism, is the skill to tend those wounds, to carry them without resenting them, or trying to ignore them, or obsessing over them. Because life goes on, giving and taking, until the day comes when it takes it all

There's lots I don't like about my life. There's lots I wish were different, and I've a pile of regrets behind me

Life wounds you, and the longer you live the more greivously you'll be wounded; with regret, with failure. With grief, with loss

That's life

Happiness is of-the-moment, it comes and goes. Happiness wants the world to be a certain way, and is fulfilled when the world meets desires

Contentment embraces the present, whatever that is; enfolding it good and bad, and in doing so it abides

I would love to move back to London, if it were financially viable. I'd be much, much happier there! But I don't think I'd be any more content

But here's a good way of framing it:

I was a lot happier in London (a city I love!) than I am in Sheffield (a 'city' [lol] I barely tolerate). I was also critically, dangeously depressed for most of my time in London; these days, in Sheffield, I'm largely content

It can either be pompous and dry ('an expansion in the cognitive/affective space in which I experience my 'self''), overblown ('I feel intimately reconnected with the ongoing, dynamic emergence of the universe') or hokey ('all that matters is love!'). Usually, all three 🤷‍♂️

Anandamide boosted

Shout-out to the Chicago leather daddy who listed "superheroes in peril" as an interest on his Scruff profile.

Sir, you are an inspiration.

Every now and then I try to write down exactly how psychedelics have helped me, how my thinking is different now, and I always fail. It's almost enjoyably frustrating

@sourcookie@playvicious.social No but I spent a decade there, and only moved out as i was forced to by mental ill health and financial implosion (honestly, without parental support I'd be long gone)

Wrote a thing, kind of about toying with moving back to London, also what it means to 'want' anything, and the destructiveness of desire and ego. It is very, very rambling 😂

anandamide.postach.io/post/on-

BTW I put this journal entry online, it's about a dream I had, and watching the sun rise over the ocean, and life and death anandamide.postach.io/post/as-

Heading out for another light-LSD walk today. Trying to make it a fortnightly-or-so thing. Last time was beautiful

So today it's 50ug LSD, a walk in the peaks on a cold bright spring day, and listening to 'The Art of Letting Go', an audiobook by a franciscan friar on... letting go. Of ego, materialism, pride. Of embracing the nothingness at the heart of everything. One of the most Zen Buddhsit works I've ever come accross... and it's Christian 🤷‍♂️

In 'How To Change Your Mind', one offhanded reccomendation is for one BIG LSD trip, to break open the soul, followed by a ?lifetime? of small doses every few days

I'm aiming for small doses every few weeks, and I try to do something 'nice' on those days

Hello good morning, this fine day I am taking 50ug of LSD and going for a walk in the Peak District, thank you

I'd love to start sooner, but it's a magnificent, embracing story which calls for cosy evenings, candles and cocoa

Come autumn, I think it'll be time to begin another reading of Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell

Anandamide boosted

Kink, love, and shitposting 

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